Adult Chidren Coping With Their Parent's Divorce

Anyway you slice it; DIVORCE is a big ugly word no matter how you say it. When 2 people get married, have children and then divorce, it is even uglier. It’s even harder when grown children watch two of the people they love equally “separate and divide.”

Though Marital Separations and Divorce should be easier on Adults than young children, often that isn’t the case. Young children are resilient and can adapt more quickly to change.

Adults have such a hard time watching their parents divorce because as adults, they now understand relationships. They understand adultery, deception, financial difficulties, health issues; they understand more than they care to understand. This makes it harder for them to accept. If the adult child lives nearby, it can be even more difficult. Parents may not mean to, but by talking to their children about the divorce or the situations that caused the marriage to deteriorate, they are putting their children in the middle.

If one parent has health or psychological problems, this makes it tough for the other parent. Blame can be placed and assumptions made about the parent having no humanity for the person they spent the better part of 20+ years claiming to love. Health and emotional problems endured by one parent can turn the adult child into an overnight care taker of the parent that needs additional support because of health-related issues. This can then lead to resentment, anger, and total contempt for the parent that doesn’t seem to have any pressing health problems and definitely lacks compassion.

How, then do adults cope effectively when their parents divorce late in life? Open Communication is necessary in order to have a continuing relationship with both parents. It is important for the children to refuse to become involved in the splitting of marital assets. If either parent is leaving the marriage because of an extra-marital affair, it is important for the child to avoid confrontation with the new focus in the parent’s love life. Remember, Parents divorce each other not their children.

Adults watching there parents divorce late in life may be difficult, but they need to be a support system for both parents and realize now it is all about them. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

Counseling for all parties involved might be a good idea if things do not go smoothly for the family. Even through Divorce, it is important to remember that the Family will always be there with memories, stories, and love. As hard as it is to accept that parents decide late in life to walk away from what was perceived to be a blissful marriage , it would be harder to watch aging parents live out the rest of their lives with what-ifs and if-only.

The best things an adult child can do for their divorcing parents are nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. Don’t cater to their every whim and don’t take sides, just love them both.