How to Raise Children Properly

How do you see yourself as a parent? How would you want your children to grow up? But before you answer that, here are three categories that you might generally classify yourself into, as a parent:

The Dictator - Parents who give orders for children to obey without hesitation. They don’t want their children to ask questions.

The Friend - Parents who suggest orders, but their children can participate in the rule-making process. Thus, consensus is reached upon making the decision - a typical ‘give and take’ relationship.

The Listener - Parents who just listen to their children’s desires.

Believe it or not, a rising number of families in the West are letting their children take control over their households. Most parents would just desire to be encouraging dads or moms and want to make their children happy. However, most of them end up answering to the whims and wanton wishes of their children.

This doesn’t mean that parents have to be very strict and non-compromising to their children. The point is to inculcate discipline and proper values during the initial stages of their growth (around 4-6 years of age). The way the children are raised during this period will shape their personality and behavior.

At this specific period of development, children are not supposed to make decisions for the parents. They might get confused about who’s really in charge, making them insecure and anxious. They may end up distrustful to their parents whenever they feel that the parents should be the ones protecting them or making the decisions as mature adults. You must make it clear to your children that they are as important as you are, without imposing too much authority.

Here are five most important tips in raising your children:

1. Teach your children to call you “dad” or “mom.” Don’t let them call you by your first name. Proper way of addressing is the first step in reinforcing respect and authority.

2. Don’t sway your kids negatively, whenever they’re using uncalled words or acting in a bad manner. When they do that, instead of saying, “That’s bad!” you should say, “That’s not good.” This will give them an idea that adults or parents pay less attention to children with bad demeanor. Focus more on children who show good behavior. Children will notice how you reward good behavior and will strive to do what’s right.

3. Always show them you’re in charge and conscious of household management. It is hard to guide children and seek their approval at the same time. When you ask your kids to do their tasks, don’t say, “Do your homework, okay!?” A better approach would be, “Do your homework, kids.”

4. When you make rules, think about them carefully before carrying them out. Once you do, don’t change them quickly. Stand by your rules. Children won’t take your rules seriously if you’re not consistent with them.

5. There is no need to compare your children. They have their individual weaknesses and strengths. While one may be good in the arts, another may be good in words or in sports. Comparing them worsens the inferiority complex of the disfavored child.

Over time, parents may shift from the category of being a “dictator” to a “friend” and so on. Just make sure you start adopting leniency at the appropriate age, during that time when children starts to mature mentally and emotionally. But right now while your children need your care, support, and most especially your guidance, make sure you act like a parent, not just a friend.